Just like me, many of you received socks as a Christmas gift. By now you know the true meaning of the Mayan calendar. It was not the end of the world, just the end of getting a pair of socks that fit.
I was raised in a time when you could purchase American made socks, that, no matter your age, the sizing chart was correct. A size eight shoe size meant that any eight-ten sock size would work fine. Not any more… George Bush and Bill Clinton saw to that by sending all our sock jobs to China and Indonesia where people with tiny feet construct our socks to their size worldview. NAFTA, GATT and all the other charitable giveaways have put Americans and western civilization as a whole in an awkward situation. The elves that construct our socks are squeezing us to death!
Honestly, the last three packs of socks I’ve opened have all been two sizes too small. Of course, as a gift, they have to be worn. So you pull on these new socks which are beyond skin-tight, they are blood vein tight. If you can stand the full foot pressure all day long, by the time you take them off, your feet are on the way to Geisha size. Let me illustrate my belief with a picture. Here is a normal size sock size 8-12.
Here is the same size from our tiny footed sockmakers.
And a proper comparison…
I have noticed however, that If you wish to pay three times as much, the sock sizes correct themselves. This is obviously a mind trick to make us send even more money overseas. Not only are profits higher due to less material being used to make a proper size for the masses, the top 10% are suckered into the scheme as well. A cash pyramid plan where the remaining American dollars(those left after buying Arab oil) are transferred for poor quality socks. A financial Armageddon would follow bringing down the western world. Our soldiers couldn’t even fight due to their squashed feet. How evil and diabolical is that?
We must cancel the sockalypse! Write your congressman now and demand a return of sock manufacturing to American soil. Since foreign graft and corruption rule Washington, go immediately to plan B. Buy all your socks two sizes larger. We’ll show these tiny people they can’t fool us all the time, just most of it.
